King Cole’s Tart

by Katybeth Jensen on February 6, 2010

We have a kitchen because it came with the house. We have a kitchen because I married a man who loved to cook. We have a kitchen because the mother and father of the man I married built the house we live in, and they loved to cook.  If it had been left up to me, I might have turned the kitchen into a computer studio, with a small fridge, hot plate, microwave, and a lovely collection of take-out menus.

Joe’s siblings love to cook. The spouses of Joe’s siblings love to cook. Joe’s nieces and nephews love to cook. Nephew Titus, has a Chicago Restaurant blog. Joe’s niece Claire, was babysitting Cole one night, and before we left for the evening we wrote down the name of the restaurant where we would be. At the tender age of 11, she took one look at where we were going and planned our entire menu for us. We took all of her suggestions, right down to the wine, and had one of our best dinners out – ever.

My mom cooks. She is a good cook, but I did not grow up with food as a priority. My family gathers at meal time to talk; the food is secondary. My mom cooked, my dad barbecued, I set the table, we ate. This was the sum total of my relationship with food and with cooking.

Joe never asked me my opinion about cooking or food before we were married. The one time I invited Joe over for dinner while we were dating, I ordered takey outey, threw out the tattle-tale containers, put it on my own trays, plates and dishes, set my table and called it making dinner.  Let’s face it, a dating man’s priority is usually not how good the dinner is … even in Joe’s case.

Joe and I never had “the food talk” before we got married beyond Joe mentioning his family liked to cook, and telling a few stories about his dad’s Chinese cooking adventures. Imagine my surprise and delight when I discovered I had married into a family of gourmands and gourmets.

It was no surprise that I gave birth to a child who eats everything. Joe gave Cole his first barbecue rib while he was still nursing. I’m sure he was enjoying paté at family parties with a sip of wine before he was three, and foie gras by the age of 5.

It was also not a surprise that Cole enjoyed cooking as soon as he was old enough to stand on a stool and cut, chop, and fry with his dad. He was making bacon at the age of four (and this was pre waffle iron bacon!). There are those times when Cole cooks, however, in which I know Joe was right when he said, “He is your child.”  There was the time when he turned the blender on without the top, covering the kitchen and me with sauce. Or when he cooked the pizza without removing the cardboard, or decided to substitute baking soda for baking powder. There was his discovery that all chocolate is not created equal. But hey, haven’t we all done that? Cole is learning, and we applaud his gusto, for more is better when he adds wine, chocolate, or butter to his recipes.

Cole has been dragging me towards the kitchen more and more these past few months as I’ve clung desperately to my take-out menus, screaming out the names of restaurants we might try.  I plead for reservations, and he reads the recipes we might try from his Bon Appetit magazine, a subscription he requested for Christmas.  I mention how nice and clean the kitchen is and he reminds me his dad never saw value in a clean kitchen. Without hesitating, I agree. Could we maybe just watch a nice cooking show together and eat buttered popcorn?

Sous-Mom, in our home, means forking out the dough for ingredients and cleaning up the spills, while Chef son thumbs through Bon Appetit, ignoring all suggestions to start small. The decision has been made. Milk Chocolate Caramel Tart with Hazelnuts and Espresso. The first question is, of course, “Mom, where do we keep the tart pans?”

In spite of the fact his grandmother thought he was way too young to be makin’ a tart, I think his tart was a real work of art.  I’m including the link for the recipe, and if you need to borrow a tart pan, you know where to find us. You are just dying to know what we have up our sleeves for Superbowl Sunday, aren’t you??

So glad you were in my neighborhood. Feel free to drop by anytime. I would love to hear from you in the comment section of this blog or on Facebook or Twitter! Odd Loves Company and Odd loves you and you and you!

Katybeth

{ 5 comments }

Over Is Hard!

by Katybeth Jensen on February 3, 2010

Joe-Cole

“Dad is over for the rest of my life, mom, and I am only 13.”

The feeling that nothing will ever be okay again has begun to wear on us. The world feels tasteless.  It’s Over, the tasteless color of grief.

As a mother, everything I think of to say has become a thought-terminating cliché. There is nothing left to say. Together, Cole and I face the reality that Joe died and there is nothing that will fill the void of longing for those five more minutes or thirty more years.

Being “a family of three,” as Cole called it, is over.

Only Joe could talk endlessly with Cole about an episode of The Office.  It’s Over.

This past January, skiing, sledding, and planning Joe’s Ribs for Super Bowl Sunday have all fallen flat.Those familiar moments as Cole has always known them and as I have always appreciated them are Over.

Joe’s birthday is February 20th. He won’t turn 53. It’s Over.

Our world feels depopulated without Joe.

Over is hard.  Sometimes, really hard. How do we do manage daily do-overs without Joe?

We laugh a lot – mostly at Joe’s expense. He is, after all, the one who died.

We are honest. Not everything would be better if Joe were here.  Joe would have been mad at me for helping Cole “SO MUCH WITH HIS HOMEWORK” and would have been mad at Cole for not looking forward to tomorrow’s school day.  Tonight was easier without Joe. We just wish he could have been at his acting class instead of hanging out on a cloud.

We talk. We talk a lot about Joe. We tell stories. We like it when you tell stories.

I write. And here you thought I was writing this for you.

We take the quick fix sometimes. Buying, doing, or going someplace helps. Sometimes all you need is a quick fix to help move you forward. Cole’s “Lucky Jeans” were the result of a quick fix. I take delight in knowing Joe is turning over in his urn at the cost of those jeans. (Three pairs, Joe!)

We spend a lot of time stopping. Rather than wasting energy idling, we just stop, crawl into the big chair and cry. Sometimes we swear, and often we express bewilderment.

I worry all the time, though I don’t worry about worrying. My husband died in the shower without a moment’s notice. I can worry if I want to.

We let other people help us feel better.  Grieving is not a sickness, it’s a process.  It’s perfectly possible for other people to lift our spirits, make us smile, and kiss it and make it go away for the moment. We welcome hugs and brownies equally.  Remember, we may need do-overs (especially with the brownies).

We include Joe in our lives. In fact, I probably listen to him now more than I ever did when he was alive. Dying has given his opinion more credibility. He probably suspected it would. However, I take great delight in doing, without hesitation, some of the things he hated like hammering a nail without a plan, putting the large mixing spoon in the dishwasher, and jumping into my car and immediately cranking the heat up to full power. Sometimes I turn on the garbage disposal and let it run just for spite. Joe was always a little afraid of the garbage disposal – some family myth about a food trap.

On the second day of each month, I ask Joe if he has anything he would like to contribute to my Odd musings.  Lately, he has been very present but oddly quiet. I suspect he despairs at Cole’s feelings of loss, sharing my sense of helplessness.  However, when a sign was not forthcoming, I went straight to ITunes and bought the song, Knock Knock Knocking on Heavens Door.  I played it loud.

Joe, it’s not over.

So glad you were in my neighborhood. Feel free to drop by anytime. I would love to hear from you in the comment section of this blog or on Facebook or Twitter! Odd Loves Company and Odd loves you and you and you!

Katybeth

PS: Since writing this yesterday. I have heard the song Knocking On Heavens Door twice and Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head once. Today when I came home there was a printer flier hanging on my front door from Joe the handyman. The tag line read “Feeling Overwhelmed, Joe is just around the corner.”

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Surprise! Its Not What Your Ordered!

by Katybeth Jensen on February 1, 2010

firefox

I love eating at a restaurant and having someone else order for me. Menus are overwhelming and no matter what I order, someone else’s dinner will look better to me.

My mother first, and then Joe were champions at ordering for me. I still have the urge to call my mom and ask her what salad dressing I should order. When Joe died, I was left with the question of what to put on my pizza and hotdog. It’s reassuring to live with someone and be able to ask, “Do I like that?” Cole amused me the other day. I ordered something at a restaurant and he interrupted me with, “Mom, I just don’t think you will like that.”

When Joe and I ate out, more often than not Joe would look at the menu for both us and, more often than not tell me what I “should” have. He was usually right and when he wasn’t, the guilt was worth it. Nothing made Joe unhappier than to suspect that my plate was not happy because of what he had ordered for me. There is a lot of mileage in this kind of guilt.

I think this is why hearing about the Ogori Cafe in Kashiwa, Japan intrigued me. It’s an odd concept but when Seth Godin blogged about it, I found myself wishing we had one in Chicago. Simply put, at the Ogori cafe, you get what the person before you ordered, and the next person gets what you ordered.  I love this idea! It’s much more fun worrying about what someone else might enjoy instead of figuring out what you want to eat.  On the other hand Cole, inheriting his father’s eating habits, wondered “Mom, how will they know what I like?”

Do you go to the Ogori Cafe for the surprise of what you will receive or the surprise of what you will give? Or do you opt out altogether because why take the risk that you might not get something you like, or because you are afraid the person behind you won’t like what you order.  What if everyone at the Ogori Cafe ordered with the person behind them in mind? Is the Ogori Cafe really even about food or is it more of a social experiment that includes food?

Maybe ordering off the menu is easier.  What do you think?

So glad you were in my neighborhood. Feel free to drop by anytime. I would love to hear from you in the comment section of this blog or on Facebook or Twitter! Odd Loves Company and Odd loves you and you and you!

Katybeth

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Draw A Dog–Its FUN!

January 30, 2010

This Odd Post is dedicated to Adelaide and her Little White Pup
Oh! The Stories they have to tell!
Naturally, none of us have pups that could possibly inspire a cartoon. I mean, perfectly behaved pets rarely make for interesting cartoons, right?
However, in the interest of helping Jim, the artist, earn his fair share of food, and [...]

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Has This Ever Happened To You?

January 29, 2010

Cupcake Culprits!  # 6 is missing for a reason
There is a cupcake shop at the mall where I went to pick up my Mac from the Apple store.  I decided to stop in and pick up two chocolate cupcakes with sprinkles – a nice treat for Cole and me on the way home from school.
I [...]

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Sounds of Sorrow

January 25, 2010

(Click to play Video)
Music. Up until Joe died, I mostly ignored it or turned it off. I had no idea music could suck me up, spin me around, shake me up, and dump me on my head. Who knew? Well obviously, not I.
Joe enjoyed all kinds of music ranging from Sara Brightman to The [...]

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Waffle Irons Are Not Just For Bacon!

January 24, 2010

Click to play video
WOW! How cool is this! Not only can we make BACON! HASH-BROWNS! QUESADILLA’s, and S’MORE’S on our Waffle Iron, we can make WAFFLES!!
My Mom’s Waffle Iron Cleaning Tip:
While your waffle iron is still hot…..

Brush Crumbs off (we dedicated a new green toothbrush to this task)

Take about 4 paper towels (if you [...]

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Time Flies with Fly Art!

January 21, 2010

I saw these pictures and thought–WOW! Here is an Odd way to amuse yourself on a slow day.
Directions:

Swat a few flies.
Let them dry for one hour.
Grab a pencil and let your imagination take off!

Oh sure you are thinking…I am spending way to much time talking to Joe and I really should get out more [...]

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Grief is Not Having a Spouse to Blame

January 21, 2010

I just had words with Joe as I ran upstairs and downstairs with a plunger.
“JOE! I did not plan to try to manage hearth, home, high school applications, and hounds without you!”
“I know,” he answered.
“I planned for you to be around so everything that never got done, did not work or was not put away, [...]

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My Bionic Ears! I Can Hear You NOW!

January 19, 2010

(Rumor-my Mother’s Doberman)
The other day when I picked Cole up from school, I asked him if he noticed anything different about me. He glanced at me briefly, said no, and went back to the toilet paper app on his iPhone. “Cole,” I said in my calm mother voice, “Let’s try this again with a little [...]

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